A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE WITH STELLA DALLAS

Well Dear Fans, I have to tell you that the slacker who promised NANO that he would write 50,000 words during the month of November and only wound up with 20,022. He has promised that he will continue to write until his novel about me is in pristine shape and that he will be able to tell the world about me and make tons of money for the two of us. Question? Is 1% actually a good thing for me? He assures me that it is fair since all I have to do is talk about myself and I love doing that so maybe he's right. But I need some new clothes and it cost money to cover this lovely body of mine. Working the streets with sequined knee pads isn't cheap and it's depleting my income but then again they do get me noticed on the streets. Do you have any idea at all how uncomfortable they are to kneel in, it was bad enough having to sit on them. Any way, he says that he was sick and what with the holidays coming up he may not get back to the book until after them. This coming from a person who says his favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" doesn't really sound like he has the spirit. But he did get a good start on the book, lordy did he ask a lot of questions. But it was fun dredging up the past and remembering all of the fun things I have been accused of doing, LOL.
Stella

A BOOK ABOUT ME???

Michael S. Witherspoon is about to embark on a NANO writing project for the month of November and to attempt to write a novel in that month. The fun part is that he has chosen me to be the subject of this book. The interviews are completed and he has gathered lots of information from those who know me (or at least they think that they do) and is just waiting for the first of November to begin. Finally, the world may get to know me, not the total me of course, you have to be married to me to know all that goes on behind closed doors an alas he hasn't popped the question, yet. Perhaps he is just waiting until his book is a success and can afford to keep me in the manner that I have always wanted before asking. He has asked if I could travel with him on a book tour if and when it is published but I don't think he realized just how impossible that could be, but I promised that I would give it some thought.
Love ,
Stella

FOUND A NEW WAY TO GET DATES

This won't work until after the elections are finalized but it might bring in a whole new batch of suitors for the old girl. I figure I will get dressed up in my finest rags and head out to the bars and just casually mention to the bartender (and those close enough to over hear) that I have two tickets to the inaugural balls in Washington, D.C. plus free round trip airfare and hotel accommodations. The line forms to the right. I mean who wouldn't want to join me for a trip like that. No, I don't really have all of those thing mentioned above but by the time they realize that I will be too tired to care and they will be also. Stella has hit a dry spell and needs the attention of gentlemen callers of the quality type.

If you are thinking that I'm being unfair and a bitch...Okay, you're right but is it any worse than the lies that are told in bars everywhere every night? "Of course I'll respect you in the morning", "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met", "My wife doesn't understand me and I'm going to divorce her and marry you" just to mention a few. Let me assure you, if he is cheating on his wife, he will cheat on you. Just enjoy being spoiled for awhile and don't take life so seriously. And actually 2 out of 3 of my lies can actually come true. We won't be going to Washington, but we can lay up in my bed and watch the affairs on television. But instead of buying a new ball gown I can just buy a new teddy (if they make them for the large Marge type girls that is). So, who's going to be the first to steal my idea?
Stella

IDLE TIME

The last thing that you want to give a mad drag queen with a twisted sense of humor is idle time. I know because that's what happened to me yesterday and I went from drug store to drug store and department store to department store and played with all of the cosmetic samples that were on display. I have to tell you, the drug stores were the nicest and many of them knew drag queens so they weren't all that alarmed. But the department stores, especially the high end types were going crazy. All of these old broads, dripping in zircon trying to pass them off as diamonds and working as clerks were having conniption fits. "But you're a man, this if for women." was what I kept hearing. Then I explained that I wanted to get in touch with my feminine side and they were speechless and just let me play. No fun. So I started stopping other customers and asking their opinion. The clerks were contemplating calling security but not sure if they wanted to cause a scene and the customers, mostly women thought that it was cool that a man knew what they had to do to be beautiful and again just let me play while I was drawing a crowd. I got bored and left.

STELLA AND HER MEDICATIONS

Hi, Mikey here subbing for Stella. I spoke to her earlier today, they let her out of the straight jacket long enough to call. It seems that Ms. Stella doesn't like to take her psych medications and some times get a little bit crazy, this was not one of those times. After being off of her pills for 4 days, she got out her best red dress, nylons, shoes, and pill box hat with the red veil and then checked the obituaries and started hitting the funerals pretending to be a relative (and I mean that in the loosest of terms). She actually made it to 3 of them before becoming arrested. It seems that the wife had some not-so-nice things to say to out Stella and being the royal bitch that Stella can be prompted to be (we all know that she is not normally like that) told the wife that she was so glad that she kept all of the instant pictures and the home movies that they had made from all of those hotel rooms. The woman went off the wall and started calling Stella a slew of nasty names and so she fought back the only way she knew how. She jumped up on the coffin and started screaming, "Come on Harry, one more time for old times sake". And that was when the police arrived. With any luck the family will understand about her medications but the wife will always wonder. Mikey

WHERE THE HELL IS MIKEY? I'LL TELL YOU

He has been working on that stupid book of his. Like someone wants to read his short stories. What he should be doing is writing about my life, because if he doesn't I may just decide to write a book about his life. See, he thinks that when I'm sleeping I don't know what he's doing. Wrong buffalo breath. Not only do I know what he did but I also know all of the people that he did it with. Trust me when I tell you that he doesn't want that to happen and neither do they by the way. A girl could probably make enough off of that book to get a whole new wardrobe, shoes and all. You know I'm going to give that some serious thought. He's not doing anything for me right now, kind of ignoring the girl.

And since Mikey decided not to run for president I've decided to put my name in for consideration for vice president. Hell I know more about vice, vice cops and Washington, D.C. than most and wouldn't be better to have me where I can do the best work for my country, what with the dignitaries from other countries. Plus, you can keep a better eye on me if you know where I am. And if you need a congressman or senator to agree with you, well I have my own powers of persuasion if you get my drift.
Kisses to you all,
Stella

TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT PROTECTING IDENTITY

You know you keep hearing about it on TV, reading about it in the paper and now it's coming into your email box. Honestly, if someone can get credit using my credentials just tell me how and I will give it to you. Here is a kicker for you, my credit sucks. It takes a lot of money to be "The Stella". Lots and lots of make-up, wigs, finger nails and do you have a clue as to what it cost for good eyelashes? Anyway, someone was stupid enough to try and use me, not like that kitten I like that, but tried to get credit in my name and using their address and phone number. Guess what, now my bill collectors are calling and harassing them and leaving me alone. So let this be a lesson to all of you out there too lazy to get of your dead asses and start making money the old fashion way, the bill collectors may be after you next if the law doesn't catch you first. Then again, maybe you will MEAT up with the man of your dreams in the big house.

Okay, that's it for today, just thought you might enjoy a laugh.
Stella
p.s. GO HILLARY ALL THE WAY BACK TO 1600 PENSYLVANIA AVENUE